The First Annual Dreamland Drinking Tournament
by King-Dedede114
Summary: The title says it all! Flames okay, cuz I don't care, I'll just suck your brains out!
1. Round 1: Match 1 King Dedede Vs Kirby

Chapter 1: Round one: begin!  
  
"There's gotta be some way to get rid 'o' dat there Kirby!" said King Dedede. He was mad for 3 reasons. #1: His cereal had been in the wrong color bowl that morning. #2: He'd forgotten his prozac. and #3: Kirby had just left a little "Present" in the fountain outside. Escargoon said, Well,you'll never be able to sic a monster on him, he always eats it! And I bet he has a really high tolerance for alcohol. King Dedede shot up in his chair as a lightbulb appeared over his head. However, he'd gotten up so fast that he burned his head on the lightbulb. "Ow, son of a- Hey! I've got a brilliant Idea!" Escargoon sighed and sweatdropped. "It isn't the one about the rabid monkey again, is it?" "NO! this one's totally different!" Escargoon smirked. "Is it a rabid kitten this time?" King Dedede bristled. "I'm not the one who tried to stop him with a dead clown!" "Hey, you KNOW I was wasted when I thought of that!" Escargoon calmed down. "What is your plan?" King Dedede smiled evily. "I'll wait till the next paragraph.  
  
Tiff, Tuff, and Kirby were playing outside. They were playing "Firing Squad" where two of them were the gunmen, and one of them was the victim, who was shot with water guns. Right now, It was Kirby's turn to be the victim. "Any last words before we kill you?" said Tiff. "Pyu pyo byo pyo pyu pyu byo, pyo pyo pyu byo, pyo pyu byo pyu pyu, byo byo pyu pyo." (Translation: I want chicken fried steak with gravy on the 'taters, I wanna sh*t in your shoe and have Ribbon sit in my lap, 'cuz I'm one horny Star Warrior." Tiff turned to Tuff. "Isn't it cute how he's too young to think of what his final words would be if he was gonna die?" So they got ready, when King Dedede came out. "Kirby!" He said "I challenge you to a drinking contest!" Tiff rolled her eyes, "Why the heck would you think up something like this? King Dedede said, "Because, If I didn't, there'd be no story.  
  
The two were sitting at a table, ready to begin. Escargoon came by and poured them each a glass of wine cooler. "Round one: Begin! said Escargoon.  
  
King Dedede swallowed his in one drink  
  
Kirby did also.  
  
Escargoon poured them two glasses of wine cooler again.  
  
King Dedede drank his  
  
So did Kirby.  
  
Two more glasses of wine cooler were poured  
  
King Dedede drinks his  
  
Once again, so does Kirby.  
  
Two more  
  
King Dedede swallows his  
  
So does Kirby  
  
Blah blah blah blah two more shots  
  
King Dedede blah blah blah  
  
Blah blah blah Kirby  
  
Escargoon held up his arms. "The second quarter of round one will begin after a quick intermission for more refreshments. Tiff turned to Tuff. "King Dedede will never win! There's no WAY he can drink more than Kirby! Tuff didn't look so sure. "I don't know, Tiff. I've seen King Dedede drink Escargoon under the table when THEY have contests. "That's because Escargoon isn't even tough enough to beat up Spongebob Squarepants." Lady Like and Sir Ebrum were watching the contest. Now they were placing bets on who was gonna win. "I think King Dedede!" said Sir Ebrum. "Kirby will win!" said Lady Like. "Hey! let's pool our money! said Sir Ebrum. So everyone in the room began to pool their money for the betting. Even Tiff and Tuff. They all began to talk about stuff like that, when Tuff yelled, I take on the winner! Soon, the little drinking spat turned into as full-fledged tournament for people to test their alcohol tolerances. One person would challenge the winner of the previous tournament, until there was one winner. It snowballed from there, and a prize was even put up for the winner. The prize was a trophy, a copy of SSBM, and a free full-length stay at the local alcoholics anonymous center. So after it was organized the second quarter of the tournament began.  
  
Escargoon poured each of them a glass of beer. "Second Quarter: Begin!"  
  
King Dedede drank his.  
  
Kirby did too.  
  
Two more glasses.  
  
King Dedede swallowed his  
  
So did Kirby  
  
A couple more glasses  
  
King Dedede finished his  
  
Kirby also did  
  
You know the drill by now  
  
King Dedede you-know-what  
  
Kirby also you-know-what  
  
You'd have to be pretty stupid not to know what's going on by now  
  
King Dedede did what needed to be done  
  
Kirby continued to do what was being done before.  
  
Escargoon held up his arms again. "The third quarter will begin after the halftime show." The halftime show consisted of the castle guards beating each other to death with their spears. Everyone clapped and cheered as they beat each other to a bloody pulp. One of them got a spear in the *ss, one of them was kicked in the head, one of them was b*tch slapped, and one of them was run through a cheese grater. Tiff turned to her parents and said, "They did something like this in ancient times, except they didn't grate people into ground meat with cheese graters. Plus, I don't think b*tch slapping was allowed. Tuff was sulking. "I wish it had been an exotic dancer." 'Me too" said Sir Ebrum. Lady Like took that oppotunity to beat him up. "Take that, Bee-yotch!" she said. This started a riot in the stands, until what remained of the castle guards were called in to stop the riot. Escargoon called everyone's attention. "The third quarter will now begin!"  
  
Two glasses of Wine cooler were poured  
  
King Dedede Sucked it down  
  
Kirby followed suit  
  
Two more  
  
King Dedede emptied his glass  
  
Kirby did the same  
  
Again.  
  
King Dedede finished his  
  
Kirby drank his, too.  
  
Once again  
  
King Dedede did it again  
  
so did Kirby  
  
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.  
  
Blah blah blah blah blah  
  
Blah blah blah  
  
Escargoon held up his arms again. Everyone began to talk. Metaknight was bragging about how he was going to beat out everyone. "How do you know that?" challenged Tiff. "What do you think us star warriors did when there wasn't a fight? We spent most of our time drunk off our *sses." "No wonder you lost the war." said Tuff. This started another riot, which the castle guards had to break up. Escargoon held up his hands. "Begin the final quarter!"  
  
Two glasses  
  
King Dedede drank it  
  
Kirby did, also  
  
King Dedede did it once again  
  
Kirby did too  
  
King Dedede chugged it  
  
Kirby sucked it down  
  
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.  
  
King Dedede blah blah blah blah blah  
  
Kirby blah blah blah blah.  
  
*Repeat*  
  
*Repeat*  
  
*Repeat*  
  
Escargoon held up his hands. "Round two will begin in the next chapter!  
  
End of round 1 


	2. Round 2: Match 1 King Dedede versus Kirb...

Chapter 2: The competitors.  
  
After the match, Metaknight was talking to the other Dreamlanders about the competition. "Anyone who wants to participate can." he said. Everyone began to sign up for the competition. After the signup sheet was full, Metaknight called up everyone who had signed up. Here was the first interview:  
  
MK: Name?  
  
?: Esolie  
  
MK: Occupation?  
  
Esolie: Fanfic star  
  
MK: Alcohol tolerance?  
  
Esolie: Through the roof.  
  
MK: Approved.  
  
The next interview:  
  
MK: Name?  
  
??: Ni-Kaabi  
  
MK: Occupation?  
  
NK: Prince of Dreamland  
  
MK: Alcohol tolerance?  
  
NK: Not sure, but once I was so drunk that I actually sat through a Chris Farley movie without one seizure.  
  
MK: Approved.  
  
The next interview:  
  
MK: Name?  
  
???: Kine  
  
MK: Occupation?  
  
Kine: I get in the way of motorboats and sue the drivers.  
  
MK: Alcohol tolerance?  
  
Kine: I can drink like a fish!  
  
MK... I'll give you $500 never to say that again.  
  
Kine: agreed!  
  
MK: Approved.  
  
By the time the signup was finished, the contestants were as follows:  
  
Metaknight Esolie Kirby Ni-Kaabi San-Kaabi King Dedede Tiff Tuff Kine Sir Ebrum Lady Like Chief Bookum Chef Kawasaki The Mayor Hoshi Miruku Fololo Falala  
  
As the signups came to a close, the second round of match one began. Escargoon poured them each a glass of beer. "Okay" he said, "You will begin....NOW!  
  
King Dedede drank his  
  
Kirby did, also  
  
Escargoon poured them each another glass, but, to make things a little more interesting, he added a little bit of "Loco Weed" to the brew.  
  
King Dedede drank his and felt a little dizzy.  
  
Kirby sucked his down and also felt dizzy.  
  
Escargoon poured them two more glasses, and added a little more of the "special" ingredient.  
  
King Dedede drank his and got a bad case of the giggles.  
  
So did Kirby.  
  
Once again, two more glasses of the tainted beer were poured.  
  
King Dedede drank his and saw the whole room turn rainbow colors.  
  
Kirby drank his and saw the Grateful Dead bears pole dancing.  
  
Escargoon gave them two more glasses of the brew.  
  
King Dedede drank his and began to hear hippie music  
  
Kirby did, too, and heard the song, "Yellow submarine"  
  
The first quarter ended with two more glasses of the stuff.  
  
Drank the King Dedede beer did.  
  
Kirby did so  
  
Escargoon held up his hands. "The second quarter will continue after the intermission!" The competitors began to talk about the competition, the upcoming wet T-shirt contest, and how they were gonna drink their competitors under the table. Tiff suddenly brought up and important point. "Hey! What are we gonna do to determine the winner? how do we know when someone is too drunk to compete?" Tuff solved that problem, "When one one three things happens. #1: They pass out, #2 They can't get the glass to their lips, or #3 they make a pass at my mom." Lady Like picked up a stool and slammed Tuff's head with it. Tuff got mad. "Oh, yeah? Well if Kirby gets drunk first, YOU have to eat a pair of my underwear!" Lady Like smirked. "Allright, Bee-yotch, If Kirby WINS, you have to eat a pair of MY underwear!" so the bet was on. Escargoon called everyone's attention to the ring. "The second quarter will now start." He poured two glasses of beer for them, but he didn't taint them.  
  
King Dedede drank his  
  
Kirby drank his, just as a monkey got loose in the ring.  
  
"Get that monkey out of here!" said King Dedede. "Just ignore him, and he'll leave us alone." said Escargoon and he poured them each a glass of beer.  
  
King Dedede drank his.  
  
Kirby-  
  
"POOOOYOOOOOOO!!!!" Kirby had just been attacked by the monkey. It was biting him, scratchging him, and it even sprayed him one time. Escargoon grabbed a fire poker and began to try and beat the monkey off, but he kept hitting Kirby. By the time he was done, kirby was covered in bruises, and had a black eye. That's when Kirby said his first words, "You M----- f------ B*stard!" Tiff gasped. "His first words!" she said, and everyone stood up and cheered. After Kirby drank his beer, the next two glasses were pored.  
  
King Dedede drank his.  
  
Kirby did too.  
  
Two more glasses.  
  
King Dedede did what he'd been doing.  
  
Kirby followed suit.  
  
Blah Blah Blah Blah.  
  
Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah.  
  
Blah Blah Blah Blah.  
  
Escargoon held up both arms. "The third quarter will begin after lunch!" The meal was burgers. "Hey, these are good!" said Tiff. "Thanks" said Esolie, "I made them myself" "These can't be cow!" said Tiff. "They're not." said Esolie, "It's that Waddle Dee who was run through the cheese grater." Everyone paused akwardly... then shrugged and said, "Oh well, at least he tastes good!" and they finished their meal. Escargoon began the next quarter, and two glasses of beer were poured.  
  
King Dedede drank his.  
  
Kirby also did  
  
Two more  
  
King Dedede drank his and felt kinda happy.  
  
Kirby drank his.  
  
You know what.  
  
King Dedede You know what  
  
Kirby also  
  
Blah-de-blah-de-blah.  
  
Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah.  
  
Blah Blah Blah.  
  
(Repeat all the previous crap.)  
  
Escargoon held up his hands. "The fourth quarter will begin after the final intermission." Tiff was watching the two players. King Dedede was happily conversing with Kirby, who looked like he knew that MAYBE King Dedede was about to reach his limit. In the crowd, Tuff was trying to hit on Esolie, who just rolled her eyes and called him a poser. Sir Ebrum was talking about how he was gonna mop the floor with his wife. Lady Like was bragging about how much she could drink. Tuff was telling everyone to be there when his mom had to eat underpants. Escargoon called everyone's attention, and the beer was poured.  
  
King Dedede drank his.  
  
Kirby did also.  
  
Two more glasses.  
  
King Dedede did it again.  
  
Kirby too.  
  
Two more  
  
King Dedede swallowed his.  
  
Kirby did too.  
  
King Dedede *hic* drank his  
  
Kirby also did.  
  
King Dedede drank his, and began to eye Hoshi, while swaying in his seat.  
  
Kirby drank his.  
  
Escargoon held up his hands. "Round three will begin naxt chapter! 


	3. Round 3: Esolie Vs Kine

Round 3  
  
Escargoon held up his hands to the cheering crowd. "The next round will begin in just a minute. After we roll the stats for the next round since the competitors are already pretty wasted." He drew two names. "Esolie..................... and KINE!!!!!" Everyone cheered. Then Escargoon blew his whistle. "Round three will now begin! The glasses were poured, bills were slapped down for last-minute bets, and the bell rang.  
  
King Dedede *hic* drank his.  
  
Kirby *burp* drank his.  
  
King Dedede beer second drank *hic*  
  
Kirby down sucked beer the *hic hic*  
  
King Dedede-*THUD!*  
  
Escargoon held up his arms. "Kirby is the winner! King Dedede will now be taken to the hospital for treatment of alcohol poisoning. And tomorrow, the match between esolie and Kine will begin. Everyone retreated to their rooms.  
  
***  
  
"WELCOOOOOOOOOOOOME TO MATCH TWO OF THE FIRST ANNUAL DREAMLAND DRINKING CONTEST, WE'VE GOT A BIG TURNOUT TODAY, ALMOST ALL OF THE WADDLE DEES ARE HERE, EXCEPT FOR THAT SNOOTY LITTLE ANTI-DRINKING POMP!!!" Everyone cheered as Esolie walked into the ring, and booed as Kine flopped into the ring. They took their seats. Escargoon held up his hands. "Make any bets BEFORE the round starts! So with that, more bills were slapped down, the glasses were filled, and the bell rang in the next round of drunken entertainment.  
  
Esolie gulped hers down all at once.  
  
Kine drank his.  
  
Escargoon refilled the glasses  
  
Esolie chugged it all down.  
  
Kine swallowed his.  
  
Escargoon refilled the glasses again  
  
Esolie swigged it.  
  
Kine tipped the last few drops into his mouth.  
  
Escargoon put more beer in the glasses.  
  
Esolie sucked it down  
  
Kine spilled a little of his  
  
Escargoon refilled the glasses once more.  
  
Esolie bolted hers down.  
  
Kine choked on his.  
  
Escargoon held up his hands. "The next quarter will begin after a quick poetry reading for no apparent reason! First up, Tiff!  
  
"A crank-caller at the ballet on his cellphone he yakked away, he met with a fright when he got in a fight with the dancers he'd called that day."  
  
Escargoon held up his hands again. "Now, the second quarter will begin!" The glasses were filled  
  
Esolie got it down in one gulp.  
  
Kine swallowed all of his.  
  
The glasses were filled again.  
  
Esolie got all of it at once  
  
Kine sipped his slowly.  
  
The glasses got the usual treatment  
  
Esolie continued to be macho.  
  
Kine continued to be a little sissy wimp.  
  
You know what was done to the glasses  
  
You know what Esolie did.  
  
You know what Kine did  
  
blah glasses blah blah blah blah  
  
Esolie blah blah blah blah blah.  
  
Kine blah blah blah.  
  
Escargoon held up his hands. "the third quarter will begin after the halftime show!" and with those words, a waddle dee came on stage and began to sing.  
  
`It happened one day in the studio dancing around in a do-si-do the purple monstrocity was waving his arms we were falling victim to his evil charms he brushed against a candle and he started to smoke and now we're all laughing at the dinosaur joke  
  
(Chorus)  
  
Oh boy! Barney's on fire! It's what we've always desired we'll watch the flames get higher but don't you try to put him out.  
  
Purple fur was flying, ashes everywhere and all of the kids just continued to stare the guy inside the suit, he started to yell we prob'ly shoulda helped him, but what the hell he threw himself violently against the wall, he fell to his knees and he tried to crawl away  
  
(Repeat chorus)  
  
Break it down, purple fellow!  
  
"I love you.... you love me....."  
  
(Insert burning noises)  
  
"Ah-AHHHH-AHH-AHHHHHHHHHHHH-AHHHHHHHHHHHHH- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
(Repeat chorus)  
  
Barney's no longer ignited we're feeling somewhat slighted he's laying in a heap on the floor we poked him with a stick, cuz we had to be sure he was dead."  
  
Everyone clapped and cheered. Escargoon held up his hands. "Okay! The third quater will now begin! The glasses were poured, and more money was slapped down.  
  
Esolie looked cool drinking.  
  
Kine looked like a wuss  
  
Escaroon the glasses did refill  
  
Esolie looked macho  
  
Kine looked dumb  
  
The glasses were refilled.  
  
Esolie drank hers in a single gulp  
  
Kine had to force his in.  
  
You know what happened.  
  
Esolie wolfed hers down.  
  
Kine almost puked  
  
Esolie finished the quarter with dignity.  
  
Kine was beginning to get buzzed.  
  
Escargoon held up his hands. "The next quarter will begin after the last bets are made for this round." The bills were slapped down, and the glasses were poured.  
  
Esolie drank hers and- *BUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP*!!!  
  
Kine got so drunk on the alcohol fumes in her breath, that he passed out.  
  
Esolie wiped her mouth. "Works every time!"  
  
Kine: @___X  
  
Escargoon held up her hand. "Esolie is our winner!!" Tomorrow's competitors will be......... Tiff and Tuff!!  
  
End chapter 3. 


End file.
